My first job in high school was at Eastern Christian’s Children’s center. I was 16. Mom drove me after school and picked me up at 9.
Since I was tall (so they said), they put me in the room with the disabled adults. I wanted to work with the children, but I didn’t speak up for myself.
It was really hard. I showered, fed and took care of four women at a time. I was told they didn’t know me, but I Knew they knew me.
This is a photo of Marilyn with me. She attacked me once and I had scratches all over my face. Dad didn’t want me to go back. Mom said I was strong and I had it in me to be a caregiver. I went back.
I stayed at the job during winter breaks and summer during my college years. One part of me did it to prove to myself that I was caring. Another part loved the people I cared for. It was gratifying because I felt I was making a difference in the world. Another part of me just wanted to get a job at the candy store and eat jolly ranchers.
Mom was a nurse. She also volunteered her time in helping others. A true giver. She taught us to give back. She taught us that two wrongs don’t make a right. She taught us to be kind to others. Mom is probably one of the kindest women I have ever encountered in my life. Honestly.
One day while I was in my mid twenties, I asked my sister to visit the center with me. I was working in a different field altogether and living in nyc at the time. Stephanie came with me and she saw one of the women sign language apple to me. I told Steph that they told me the women would never remember me. Steph saw what I knew. They remembered. They knew. I was the one that snuck and gave Sally applesauce before putting her to bed. Five years later and she remembered me.
People can forget what is said and forget moments, but we never forget how another person makes us feel.
I miss the days when being kind to strangers was a virtue. I miss the days when we thought before writing something unkind.
I miss the days when people were held accountable for cruelty. Maybe I am a dreamer. But I know there is a dimension beyond this earth realm where goodness, love and compassion win. I know angels sing. And I believe we will find our way back to love. I also believe there are very good people in this world- and if you are still reading this now- you are one of them.
I believe we know more than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes too much information from the external only complicates what our soul knows in the depth of the heart.
Returning to our innate wisdom takes profound courage. Reclaiming the love in our hearts takes fierce surrender. The human design asks for connection. The misconception is that to connect with others, we must speak the same language or carry the same beliefs.
It is our inner knowing that actually connects us. Abandoning ourselves and giving our power away only separates us from what we long for which is to be truly seen, heard and valued as a spark of the universe.
